A Solemn Anniversary Unfocused
Today I had a plan. The plan was to head up to Boston after my usual routine of dropping Richie at his work and feeding the bunnies. Instead I ended up taking a desperately needed nap which started me three hours later than expected. Noting the traffic, I did some quick calculations of time and realized that I would never be able to give Lucy Lee’s “thank you” present in person and drop off the three yarn-filled contractors’ bags that fully occupied my Civic’s trunk.
Silently reprimanding my unfocused yet hungry self, I pulled off the highway into the nearest Burger King. “Lunch will be good to clear my head,” I assuredly thought. As I approached the counter to order, inside my body the brain, stomach, and eyes debated over what I should get. “WHOPPER with ALL the fixins!!” shouted the stomach. The brain retorted, “No, the Whopper Junior is all you need to appease your taste craving.” The eyes had a totally different reaction by screaming, “Screw you ALL — Double Whopper, and make it a King-size meal!” Knowing better than to listen to my eyes, I also should have heeded the words from my brain. When will I learn that my eyes and stomach are so ambitious? Frankly, the Whopper Junior Combination meal would have sufficed. (Sigh…) All that mess of thought is a perfect example of the craziness that goes “roundabout” my mind.
It was while I chowed down on the fries was when I altered my decision to drive to Mind’s Eye Yarns in Cambridge and opted to mail Lucy’s tee-shirt to her. Last year when the Massacre happened, she not only said prayers, but her yarn shop was the only one in all of New England that acknowledged “Wear Orange and Maroon Day” and I never forgot that gesture. During my trip to Southwest Virginia the week before, I found the perfect shirt for her at Mosaic Yarn Shop. The next question appeared to badger my mind: Do I go home and put Lucy’s package together, or do I stay on the road?
As my head entered that new debate, the radio announced the news of the candlelight vigil that was held last night on Virginia Tech’s Drillfield to mark “The Eve of the Day.” Unable to stop the tears, I began bawling and wishing I was back in Virginia. The inkling to drive to a “safe place” that could make me happy drove the tears down my face even faster. My brain kept giving me a list of places like “Yarns at Lace Wings” or “Fresh Purls” to run towards. The stomach rattled off “Cheesecake Factory” and “Pastiche” as if sweet concoctions were the solution. And my eyes? My eyes wanted visual peace from the ocean which was over an hour’s drive and full of tourists. I have found the Rhode Island beaches rather rocky and full of pebbles. The Newport scene is a bit too “yacht-club” for my soul-surfer persona. I wanted soft sands to walk upon and the wind blowing in my ears as the waves roared their love to me.
It was then that I realized there was nowhere in Rhode Island that I could consider a happy place. None of the parks or beaches gave me solace — only home and the yarn shops were available for comfort. So where did I end up? As I started driving towards the house, the stomach reminded me of its craving for something sweet. By now I was on Route 37 and turned the car towards Garden City for Panera Bread. I walked in for some cold green tea and a chocolate cookie. Plopping myself into one of the comfortable chairs in the back, I proceed to power on my laptop and enter what is now written. At least I am able to pop into the Lingr.com Ravelry Help! Chat Room to lean on my friends. Without them, I probably would have gone into a deep depression long ago. What a way to spend an anniversary — rambling, driving, and unfocused. I do hope that next year I will be with family and/or friends. Being alone is just NOT healthy!! =:8